Wednesday, May 30, 2007
♥ 1:51 PM
Sole survivor
Imagine running around like a headless chicken for a whole 5 hours without rest.
Now imagine doing that in 3-inch heels.
Just listening to the piteous cries of my abused feet is enough to make me feel like breaking down =P
Then again, it is partly my fault for insisting on donning those killer shoes is it not?
Alright, so we had a tea session for mature ("old" is a dirty word which should never, ever be used) workers this morning through afternoon, and let me just say that the experience is an unforgettable one, for all the wrong reasons.
Besides having to clear up after them - you would think that disposing of used tissue and dirty cutlery is an easy task for a 50-year-old - answering the weirdest imaginable questions on earth was also part of my job scope.
Oh yes, and I was told off by a little old lady with crossed-eyes.
That just makes my morning an oh-so-delightful one.
Thank goodness for the little diversion tonight in the form of some dashing Pirates.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Monday, May 28, 2007
♥ 9:13 AM
I feel the earth move...
Things have been changing at such an unbelievably rapid pace in my life that I honestly am starting to feel dizzy.
My Almighty Daddy has began speaking to me with astounding clarity once more, and the battle cry which I hear heralds a new war which is to come.
I can choose to be fearful, I can choose to cower, I can choose to turn my back on my Beloved and to run away, but I can also choose to fight for my Chief Commander, who will never fail. Ever.
Lift me up Daddy, and I will fight Your battles for You.
On another note, am attending AEWF at the Esplanade with Glenn tonight, and I look forward to a relaxing evening with this interesting brother of mine.
For now, I am trying not to perspire too much in the office - the air-conditioner isn't working too well, and I'm wearing a shirt over the dress I have on.
Man, I cannot wait for 6 o'clock to come.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Saturday, May 26, 2007
♥ 11:11 PM
Realisations
For everything I have done to grief You, every disobedient act, every defiant word, every wilful thought, I am sorry.
Please forgive me Daddy.
As I wept this evening, I knew that You were there to cradle me, to wipe away those wayward tears trickling down my face.
For too long, I have kept You at the periphery of my life.
For too long, I have relied on my own resources rather than Your infinite wisdom.
You have shown me that this is a time of revelations.
Thank You for the new friendships.
Thank You for showing me who my real friends are.
Thank You for the reconciliation process which has begun.
Thank You, for promising me that You love me, more than anyone can and will.
For those who have provided excellent company and comfort during this trying week, thank you, thank you, thank you ;)
Yes Aloysius "HUR HUR" Sim (I told you not to hur hur me!), you definitely are one of them. Thank you for the smiles you have brought to my face this turbulent week.
Yes Sharon, how can I forget you? Thank you for being the best sister and friend I can ever hope to have.
Yes Lizzie, of course you are one of them. Thank you for your cheery greetings and your encouraging words.
Yes Jon Choy, you are one of those special ones too. Thank you for accepting me the way I am.
Yes Jeremy "Jerms" Tan, I am going to mention you too. Thank you for the wonderful advice and the listening ear which has been terribly abused.
For those who have not cared, thank you too for showing me how very much I actually mean to you.
I have never felt so empty, but I have never felt like I need my Daddy so much too.
Daddy dearest, thank You for wiping away my tears.
My beloved, know that always and forever, I will love you.
Yes Daddy, I finally do.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Friday, May 25, 2007
♥ 8:29 PM
If You Forget Me
I want you to know
one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
But if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
~Pablo Neruda
First read this poem during my junior college years, and I have never forgotten it.
The words are simple, the imagery plain and the syntax, unimaginative (as compared with the likes of Plath) but it is oh-so-powerful.
It has been almost 2 months since you left me for good.
And I miss you so.
Wishing you were somehow here again.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
♥ 1:42 PM
Super Germs
Came down with a sore throat, mild fever and flu on Monday, thanks (I think) to Mr Clement Sim.
Told him about it, and he agreed that his germs are indeed powerful. I could have swooned on the spot from his comments.
That would make it the 4th time in about 5 months - by that I mean me falling sick, and not the urge to faint at Mr Sunshine's hilarious words.
Anyway, am left in the office alone waiting for my boss to come back and review my work - the rest of my 8 fellow interns have gone for a meeting which I cannot attend due to this assignment which has been thrust into my hands.
I was tempted to drop my work, make up some excuse and trot off happily into the sunset with them, but Daddy reminded me of what He told me this morning.
With that in mind, I remain seated obediently at my desk, waiting for my boss to get back - whether she does return or not, is another story altogether.
Let's just say that I enjoy being Daddy's little girl.
But...Daddy....no one will ever know....
Ah my silly girl....I would.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Sunday, May 20, 2007
♥ 10:00 PM
Speechless
When all else seems to fall apart, look to Daddy, and know that He's always there to pick up the pieces.
When the tears fall, remember that our Lord is there to wipe them all away with His gentle hands.
When loneliness threatens to overwhelm, be assured that the Creator of all promised that He would neither leave us, nor will He forsake us.
When the wait gets tough, look to our glorious Saviour and have faith that His timing is nothing short of perfection.
When my heart grows weak, be my strength O Lord.
It is so very difficult, but I am giving it all to You.
You are my God, who gives, but also takes away.
You are my God, always and forever.
I never want to leave Your arms Daddy.
My princess, you never have to.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Friday, May 18, 2007
♥ 10:19 AM
My winged heart
My God is so big, so strong so mighty.
My God's the risen King.
My God's also my first love, my best Friend.
He has put a new song in my heart, enabling me to sing with joy to Him once more.
Work has been alright, thanks to the most nonsensical partner anyone can hope for. Then again, when a guy goes by the name "Jerms" (germs, geddit?) you roughly know what you're getting.
It's been an eventful month since I took my first baby steps into the "real world", but my Daddy has been there to cushion me when I fall, to coddle me when I whine, to wipe away my tears when I cry.
Things may not be perfect, nor even close to being ideal, but I know that this little girl is secure in her Father's loving arms.
I love you Daddy.
On another note, there's Shrek 3, Pirates, My Secret Garden (man I can hardly wait!) and....Sydney coming up =)
Can you feel the excitement reverberating all around? I certainly can!
Life's so good when the ultimate Captain's in charge.
~take me deeper in love with You
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
♥ 8:42 AM
Blessed insanity
I've once been called cold-hearted due to my ability to let go and move on just like that.
I've once wondered if I really am that monster whom he claimed I can sometimes be.
Now, looking back, it really is God's strength, His undying devotion which lifts me up, the Holy Spirit granting me the power to see past my calvary.
My wounds are healed, and there are no scars, praise be to my beautiful Saviour.
The grieving is over.
The battle begins.
Your grace is sufficient for me, for Your power is made perfect in weakness...
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Sunday, May 13, 2007
♥ 5:33 PM
Desolation
You struck me and I fell. Hard.
Another beloved friend came along, pushing me deeper into the swirling pool of despair.
As the darkness slowly engulfed me, my Lord came, and lifted me from the pits of agony, settling me securely in His warm, comforting arms.
He tended to my wounds, whispered love words right into my bruised and bleeding heart.
I'm heealing, praise be to God. I'm home.
This time, I resolve not to pick at the scabs, lest scars be left behind.
I'm so sorry for the words I cannot take back.
I'm so sorry for hurting you the way I did.
After all that's been said and done, know that I still love you, my dearest lil' brother in Christ, my happy and cheery Mr Sunshine.
Please forgive me.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Friday, May 11, 2007
♥ 9:51 PM
Surrender
After all this time, after all this angst, you still remain clueless don't you?
I guess it doesn't matter anymore.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Thursday, May 10, 2007
♥ 8:31 AM
Love is....
We were never in love. At least to me, that appeared to be the case.
But the memories remain sweet, achingly poignant.
Saw his pictures the other day, and a sudden realisation that 3 years had come and gone just like that washed over me.
It has been almost 3 years since we met, got closer, and eventually parted.
3 years since we kissed goodbye that very last time.
3 years since I've been held in those "I-told-you-they-are-too-scrawny" arms.
3 years since he last clasped my hands in his warm ones.
3 years since he helped absent-minded me pack my bag before we left for training.
3 years since I last caught a whiff of his unique scent - an odour I had said would linger in my mind for a long time yet.
I will always remember the way he smiled indulgently at my childish ways, the way he enjoyed touching my hair, the way he would navigate skilfully, a cheeky smile on his boyish face as we took those long long drives to wherever struck our fancy, the way he used to tease me about what happened the first time I laid eyes on him.
Looking at these pictures, the images conjured up are happy ones. Perhaps that's the way I have sub-consciously chosen to remember what we once held dear.
The memories remain, but we are no longer where we are.
He has since moved on. And so have I.
Time cannot stand still, and it didn't. Not for us, not for anyone else.
Just as he has left the naive 19-year-old me behind, I too, have let go of the youthful 21-year-old who once captured my heart.
My gaze has now been altered, and I look to my Master and wonderful Creator for directions, knowing that He has my best interests at heart.
In the midst of serving Him, another has come into the picture.
I cannot recall when, or even how and why, but the Lord has brought to my attention a godly young man whom I have never paid much attention to.
Your nondescript appearance never did cause my heart to skip a beat, but my Almighty showed me more. So much more.
That bright grin, accompanied by the slight mischievous glint in your eyes, your passion for the Lord, your heart for His people, the way you always make me laugh; these qualities have drawn me to you, yet I remain unsure, even frightened.
I once promised myself, not too long ago, that you would never be the cause of my tears, knowing full well that just as you are capable of bringing a smile to my face, you hold the ability to bring much sorrow.
You have fulfilled your potential. To its fullest.
And promises were never made to be kept.
But through the darkest of nights, I will hold on, knowing that my Lord will find me, and He will save me.
~ the little ironies of life
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Sunday, May 06, 2007
♥ 10:42 PM
Silent Noon
Your hands lie open in the long fresh grass, -
The finger-points look through like rosy blooms:
Your eyes smile peace. The pasture gleams and glooms
'Neath billowing skies that scatter and amass.
All round our nest, far as the eye can pass,
Are golden kingcup-fields with silver edge
Where the cow-parsley skirts the hawthorn-hedge.
'Tis visible silence, still as the hour-glass.
Deep in the sun-searched growths the dragon-fly
Hangs like a blue thread loosened from the sky: -
So this wing'd hour is dropt to us from above.
Oh! clasp we to our hearts, for deathless dower,
This close-companioned inarticulate hour
When twofold silence was the song of love.
~Dante Gabriel Rossetti
I wonder. I really do.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Friday, May 04, 2007
♥ 4:17 PM
Creativity takes a turn
I never knew how truly lame I can get until my director tasked me with designing (get this) posters for the pantries, fridges and toilets.
How weird...I spent a good 15 years up till now excelling in my studies just so I can design friendly reminders to be placed in office toilets.
They were a blast to create though; the Lord reminded me too that whatever I was doing for my organisation, I was effectively doing for Him.
That drove me to do my best in whatever mundane task I've been assigned thus far.
Here are a few of the posters I like better (I was asked to design one for each month of the year)
On another note, the Lord's gentle rebuke last night while I was doing my reflection came at such a beautifully perfect time.
At a point where I was feeling dejected, alone, and angry, He very clearly indicated that I have allowed myself to place worthless idols in my life.
I've stumbled because my eyes were not fixed on my Jesus, my blessed Redeemer, my Bright Morning Star.
With a few simple verses, the Almighty drew me close once more.
I couldn't have been more thankful for the grace I've been shown.
Once again, it is time to face the battles which the Lord has placed me in, knowing that with Him as my Commander, I cannot fail.
~ I worship at Your throne, whisper my own love song
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
♥ 9:51 PM
What if....
I've been thinking more than I ought to be, and that's never good. There have been so many thoughts, so many doubts, that I feel like asphyxia is slowly taking place, sucking the life out of my weary self.
If I die before I wake, would I regret not having told some special people that I love them?
If tomorrow never comes, would I have done enough for my Almighty God?
If you should just disappear from my life, what would it feel like?
I really shouldn't be thinking about you the way I do.
I really shouldn't hope for something which seems so unreachable.
I really shouldn't expect that much more from you.
I shouldn't, but I do, all the same.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*