My so-called friend

You call, and I come running.

You needed help, I offered it.

Now, the tables are turned, and I find myself being left out in the cold.

I'm disappointed, disillusioned, dismayed.

Out you go.

There's no more room in here for you.







A Birthday

Christina Rossetti

My heart is like a singing bird
Whose nest is in a water'd shoot;
My heart is like an apple-tree
Whose boughs are bent with thick-set fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell That paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all these,
Because my love is come to me.

Raise me a daïs of silk and down;
Hang it with vair and purple dyes;
Carve it in doves and pomegranates,
And peacocks with a hundred eyes;
Work it in gold and silver grapes,
In leaves and silver fleurs-de-lys;
Because the birthday of my life Is come,
my love is come to me.

This beautiful poem came to my mind this morning while I was spending time with my Beloved, my Saviour and my Lord.

He has given me assurance, and I have found in Him peace. Rarely has a conviction been so strong.

For now, I will rest as I wait on Him.







Too much of a good thing...

This week has been nothing short of an emotionally turbulent one.

Conflict, confusion, misunderstanding, the subsequent reconciliations - you name it, you've got it.

My god-sister's condition continues to worry me, but we're both praying and seeking the Lord for His divine healing to fall on her.

I really am tired. So exhausted.

But through it all, God has been oh-so-fantastic. He has affirmed, comforted, reassured.

Had a most wondeful time with Lizzie yesterday afternoon at Sakae Sushi, stuffing my face with plate after plate of my favourites. At times, it seems hard to believe that we were introduced barely months ago.

Running in the rain, laughing and behaving like little immature children again comes so naturally when I'm around her. It's almost as if the good Lord has given me a second chance to be the child I never was.

It took tremendous effort on my part, but offering an olive branch to her (not Lizzie) last night was my way of loving God. No, I do not think that the unpleasant events which took place were due to my negligence, but to allow the hostility to fester serves no purpose in my service to the Almighty.

With that behind me, it's time to tackle the interview I've secured with JP Morgan Chase as well the Law and Intl Biz mid-term coming up - they both take place within 2 hours of each other on Monday.

Do not ask me how I managed to snag the coveted interview. Ask God. It's so amazing.

In fact, I'm still reeling from the shock and surprise.







"Sometime"

Sometime, when all life's lessons have been learned,
And the sun and stars forevermore have set,
The things which our weak judgments have spurned,
The things o'er which we grieved with lashes wet,
Will flash before us out of life's dark night,
As stars shine most in deeper tints of blue;
And we shall see how all God's plans are right,
And how what seemed reproof was love most true.
Then be content poor heart;
God's plans, like lilies pure and white, unfold;
we must not tear the close-shut leaves apart, -
Time will reveal the chalices of gold
And if, through patient toil, we reach the land
Where tired feet, with sandals loosed, may rest,
When we shall clearly see and understand,
I think that we will say, "God knew the best!"

~May Riley Smith

Teach me how to rest in you Lord, let me strive no more.

My aching heart's tired.







Summer dreams

Beng returned to Perth last night - or rather, today morning - and I wasn't there to send him off thanks to a bad headache yet again.

Fret not, we'll all meet again in 9 months though his crappiness, the rides in his interesting Lancer, and his hilariously bad drawings will be fondly missed.

Summer holidays for him have come and gone, just like that.

A rowdy bunch was congregated at Kow's beautiful place yesterday for a time of much-needed fellowship during this crazy period we call Chinese New Year. I wish I had pictures to illustrate whatever it is I'm recounting but alas, scatter-brained me forgot my camera.

My virgin foray into the world of mahjong was unforgettable thanks to one Clement "Mr Sunshine" Sim. This young man is simply endearing - how will I ever get by without his energy and his enchanting singing is beyond me.

After a "romp" - no it's not what you think - in Kow's room, we headed down for an intense session of German Bridge which saw me losing spectacularly. Well, at least it was fun playing with my lovely bunch of loonies (my sister included). ;)

The fun and laughter took away some of the emotional distress which has been my constant companion for the past couple of days.

I thank God for showing me yet again that His love is extravagant, and unfailing. Through the storm, I can hold on, knowing that He is there with open arms, waiting to catch me if I fall.

Yes Lord, I praise You for reminding me constantly that I am indeed your beloved.

Grant me the ability to love You, the way You have me. Teach me to focus on You, and to base my joy and happiness on You.

I will be still and know that You are God.







A perfect picture

A baby is selfish. He knows only his needs. He wants only self-satisfaction. There is no concept of sharing, no knowledge of the existence of others.

Yet, a baby also symbolises new life, a glimmer of hope, fragility, beauty.

To me, one of the most beautiful sights one can observe would be a mother feeding her baby. The infant, being completely dependent on his mother, turns to her for his sustenance. She, to him, is the world.

The nursing mother gazes at her precious baby with all the love in the world reflected in her eyes, her indulgent smile. She knows her importance, and she relishes the role.

All the little one's needs are provided by her. All his wants, satisfied. He exists because she gave him life. He survives because she nurtures.

This vision came to me during my time with God some weeks ago, and boy was the experience awesome.

I remain, till now, captivated by how much the Father loves us. How much He longs for us to rest in His embrace, to understand that all that we would ever need, He provides.

We are fallible, imperfectly beautiful. Created lovingly by our Abba.

Yahweh is flawlessly magnificent. Creator of all heaven and earth. He breathed life into us, He shaped us just the way He had intended for us to be.

He is more than just our Healer, our Provider, our Shelter from the storm.

He is our Father.

Rest in Him, recline in the loving circle of the Father's embrace, let Him become your world, and you will never be in need.







Happy Valentine's Day!

Flowers, chocolates, dinner, love.

So, it's that time of the year again. My 22nd (yes, twenty second - I was bron in January remember?) V-day on this earth.

Happy Valentine's Day to all my dearest lovelies :) Thank you for the years and years of support, the late night phone calls, the pig-out fests.

Happy Valentine's Day to all my little chicks :) Mother hen here will always be there for you.

It's funny how I can throw the word "love" around - it's almost verbal vomit - but am unable to piece those three little words together and say them out loud.

I've never so much as whispered the phrase; not to my folks, nor my sister, nor my friends, nor the oh-so-special one.

No, I am not saying that there is an oh-so-special one in my life right this instant, but I've never been able to enunciate those three little fear-inducing words.

Maybe I'm like Miranda ala Sex and the City. Maybe I need my own sweet little Steve Brady. Maybe the words will finally fly out of this pair of lips when the "right one" comes along. Maybe.

For now, these words are reserved solely for the one who has lovingly crafted me, nurtured me, guided me.

Until the time whereby a sample of the male species receives a big red stamp of approval from my Big Guy, my revered Father, I'll keep my mouth firmly shut merci beaucoup.

I wonder where my Steve Brady is.








It's that time of the...year

In 2 days' time, the streets will be inundated with happy couples out enjoying spectacularly exorbitant dinners.

With a bouquet of equally pricey flowers as their must-have accessory.

Yes, V-day is sneaking up on all of us. Again.

I've never had a valentine, never known the sweetness of being pampered, never experienced the feeling of being part of an "item".

It seems a little superficial, but I've always wondered what happens on this supposedly "romantic" day. The flowers, the meal, the walk afterward, the good night embrace.

Ah well, enough of that. I'll find out soon enough.

Let my greatest love always be You my Lord.







Taking a Gamble

I remember watching drama serials on television when I was a little girl.

I remember how articulate, confident and (more often than not) pretty they were.

I remember the sharp suits, the courtroom, the quick wit.

I remember wanting to be one of them.

So here I am, many years down the road, far far away from where I had thought I would be. A social science student, majoring in political science and (surprise surprise!) law.

As I begin to seriously contemplate what my final career choice will be, many doors have been opened up by the good Lord.

In fact, there will be a selection test at P&G which I will be sitting for this afternoon. Who would have thought that the child who had dreamed of being an (hopefully) intelligent, stylishly dressed lawyer would now be applying for an internship position in marketing.

No, there is no sense of loss on my part. Instead, the idea of pursuing a career in marketing fills me with excitement.

There is an assurance that I am loved by Yahweh with an everlasting love. There is a certainty that He has plans that will only serve to prosper me.

Wherever my Father leads, He will also provide. As my future unfolds, I shall not strive but to rest in my Abba.

He is my Jehovah Jireh, my Jehovah Rapha. In Him, I shall want no more.







Moving on

There were no tears, no anger, no bitterness.

Instead, the fragance of liberation assailed my senses. In that instant, I knew that everything has been done.

In accordance with His will.

I asked for answers. He replied. I asked for directions. He led.

Perhaps, without even knowing it, I have long moved on.

Surrounded by Yahweh's unfailing love, I am comforted. I am His princess, His precious pearl.

With great excitement, I look forward to a new phase in life. There is no fear, no more doubt. Just as He has promised, He will deliver.

My Lord and King, please come my way, please take me deeper in love with you.

I'm truly, forever Yours.







All in

Ministry meeting yesterday morning, service that same evening - with me having fun serving as a communion steward no less.

First cell meeting at 9a.m. this morning, followed immediately by another cell meeting an hour and a half later.

I must say that God has released in me the long-alienated ability to love. When I gazed at the excited faces of my girls when our grand plans for the cell were finalised this morning, the time committed on my part, the false bravado I sometimes put up in order to minister to them; everything is worth it.

The new appointments, new responsiblities, everything is falling into place more nicely than I originally dared to think. Praise the Lord for this group of beautiful - and I mean beautiful - girls He has entrusted into mine and Sam's hands.

Left them a little earlier (well, it was about 12.45 in the afternoon) in order to attend Edwina's birthday party. With him.

Somehow, despite willing myself not to feel, not to be bothered, to just be myself, I stumbled. His proximity has the ability to bring on a gamult of emotions which always threaten to overwhelm, and I am not pleased.

I feel wrung, tired, utterly depleted of my ability to be rational. This after spending a mere 2 hours with him - in the company of many many others.

All the "what ifs" and "maybes" only serve to deepen the problem. Ambiguity can kill. So can uncertainty.

The one question which I have been asking myself, is also the one question to which I find myself being unable to answer.

If I should die before I wake, would I regret not having told him that he means so much to me?

If tomorrow never comes, would I regret not gazing into his gentle eyes, and telling him that he has stealthily crept into my once-guarded heart?

I cannot remember when or how, but it began what seemed like so very long ago as an attraction. God intervened, and now we are friends. I wish so very dearly for it to progress into something more, but my Lord, let Your divine will be done in this matter.

At the end of the day, I can rest fully knowing that the One who has loved me with an everlasting love will provide. In Him, everything is made perfect.

Let my greatest love be You, my Lord and King.







Captivating

Finally finished the book of the same title given to me by my fellow Polar Bears last night after returning from a shopping trip with Vincent - well, it wasn't exactly a shopping trip, what with me turning up in glasses and no make-up, clad in an oversized Fencing Club polo tee, shorts and fake Birkies.

We came away $30 poorer, having purchased a piece of pretty pink wrapping paper and what is possibly the corniest piece of apparel I've ever purchased (green t-shirt with a picture of a head of lettuce and a stick of celery printed on it, together with the words "Lettuce Pray").

Yes, the sight of the shirt all wrapped up sitting on my table next to my computer still sends me into a giggling fit.

Right, back to the book - Vincent has Wild At Heart written by the same author which he'll pass to me after he's done with it (yay!). Reading the Eldredge's convictions reminded me of the role which God has created specifically for women, and a new sense of liberation has enabled me to be less self-conscious, and to be the woman God has designed me to be :)

In a nutshell, I enjoyed viewing femininity through a whole new perspective. Who knew being a woman - deemed as the fairer or weaker gender - can be so exciting.

At the risk of sounding bimbotic, let me conclude by asserting that I am looking forward to attending Edwina's party this Sunday clothed in my new white dress and gold sandals.

Shoes, clothes, make-up, bags. The stuff girly dreams are made of.

The rants, the raves, the lady herself


22 going on 23-year-old Trinitarian
A fresh SMU graduate on a job-hunt
Zips around in a pretty red Civic


God, family, friends =)


Chick lit
Chick flicks
Good Korean drama serials =)

Sharon
Janise
Glenn
Kevin
Claire
Hanwen
Elaine
Pei
Michelle
Lizzie
Leonard
Aloysius
Clement
Jon Choy
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