Friday, August 27, 2004
♥ 9:10 AM
Finally, a day of respite from the hectic schedule of school. Oh, wait, drats! I've to head down to Ubi later on in the afternoon for yet another exhausting session of fencing training. Upon some contemplation, I have come to the realisation that I might be pushing myself too hard. What with all the assignments and deadlines coming up, I ought to be more focused on more pressing issues (like school work!) first. Although I enjoy fencing tremendously, and would like to become a competitive fencer, the fact that I'm only going to get more busy with time is a strong deterrant, not to mention the costs of all the gear I would have to purchase. To the best of my knowledge, a competitive fencer would have to pay $700 for his gear and weapon. Not a trifle sum, at least to me, and I am reluctant to approach my parents for this sum as they've to support my car currently, on top of all my expenses.
Speaking of spending money, why are there so many expensive textbooks to buy? So far, I've bought books for every single course I'm doing. This may seem fine, but considering that I've 35 vastly different courses to read, it is rather disturbing. On top of that, Psychology is more technical than I would like it to be, and being scientifically (as well as mathematically) challenged, I'm finding it hard to grasp certain concepts which are being taught right now - in case you guys want to know, I'm studying how the human brain works. Not "human mind", mind you, "human brain". Argh, it's been so darn long since I've had to deal with biology, and all of a sudden, I'm supposed to know "basic concepts" which even A-level Biology students have yet to come across? I'm seriously under a great deal of stress right now.
It's also not helping matters that my school prides itself on giving students tonnes of opportunities to interact and to work with others. By that, I'm saying that on top of all the assignments and readings which are pouring in, I've projects to complete. F0rtunately, my group members have been ok so far, and I hope that this state of "bliss" remains where it is. However, whenever I consider the fact that all theprojects will affect my GPA, I would inadvertently break out in cold sweat and yes, I do panic. To maintain a consistent GPA of 3.6 may be a breeze to some, but heck, how easy can it be to constantly score a B+ and above throughout your whole university life??
Oh well, life sure sucks at times.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Thursday, August 19, 2004
♥ 8:35 PM
I realise that it may not be realistic for me to update my blog as frequently as I would like to anymore. Granted, it's been nary a week since school has started, and things should still be going at a rather leisurely pace, but this is apparently not so in SMU. I find myself feeling extremely fatigued for some strange reason and there are times whereby I do not want to rouse myself in the mornings and drag myself to classes. Admittedly, many of my classes are fine, but sadly, no scenario's perfect, and yes, there are some courses which I really detest and some course mates whom I feel have judged me unfairly without getting to know me better first. This greatly saddens me as I've done them no wrong, but somehow, with the aid of some vicious individuals, opinions of me (unfairly biased ones) have been formed, and we all understand how important first impressions are. Things are not going to be easy for me - 14 more weeks to go before I would get a new set of course mates(hopefully) - but well, guess I just have to hang in there.
One major difference which has been intimidating me would be the fact that I'm starting anew. By this, I mean that all the courses which I am currently taking are entirely alien to me, and I do not deal well in situations whereby I feel like a lost little lamb. It does not help that my friends are all taking different courses this term and this would probably continue in the term to come. Although I am excited by the prospect of making new friends, there are outstanding issues in my emotional life which has dampened my mood considerably.
No matter, I know I'm strong, and I'll soldier on despite the obstacles which lie ahead.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Saturday, August 14, 2004
♥ 8:51 PM
It's been a week or so since I last blogged, and I truly apologize. There's just so much to be done before school reopens. I've already submitted my bids for the courses of my choice and I really hope that I get them *crosses fingers* It may seem a little crazy to take on 2 core courses in my first term but I figured, best to suffer now then later. Just for the record, my timetable currently allows me no break at all on Mondays and Thursdays (meaning that I've to wolf down lunch while walking to my next seminar venue) and an incredible 5 hour break on Wednesdays - I've since designated it as "research day" whereby I'll just grab a quick bite before holing myself in the school library. Thank goodness that as for now (timetable's not confirmed yet) I've a short three-day week. Cheers to those who are actually contented with your timetables. Lucky birds!
14th August 2004 - SMU Convocation 2004. Well, I almost froze to death in the convention hall but at least it wasn't as boring as I feared it would be. On the contrary, the vibrancy of the school was highlighted during the entire ceremony, and I'm proud to become a member of this dynamic community officially this afternoon. However, I realise that a greater challenge lies ahead of me - being part of the pioneer batch of SMU's Social Sciences faculty, I've to work even harder to prove to society at large that hey, we might be new but we ain't inferior in any way. Tough, but I welcome it whole-heartedly.
On a heavier note, I discovered that I still miss him when I saw him today. Although I've been attempting to kick him out of my mind and out of my life, seeing him flooded me with emotions whch I've been trying to avoid and suppress. Life isn't fair - I never had a chance with him - but then again, fairness and life do not go hand in hand at all. Fear grips me everytime I envision myself meeting him in school as I truly do not know how I would react. How is it that he still wields so much power over my emotions even after more than 2 years is simply beyond me. Gosh, I really must move on. Gotta be strong. It's hard, but then again, it'll only toughen me and that's surely a good thing right?
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Saturday, August 07, 2004
♥ 3:42 PM
I met my orientation group mates for dinner at Marché on Thursday, and I was pleasantly surprised to discover that they are a bunch of great people. To top it all off, I was reunited with HuiWen, my secondary school classmate as well as another St Nicks gal. To put it simply, SMU's swarming with SNGS girls, and I couldn't be happier about this. The sense of familiarity makes it easier for me to adapt to a totally foreign environment, and I thank God for placing me where I am - I had been tempted to accept NUS' "gracious" offer but changed my mind at the thirteenth hour. *PHEW* As far as I'm concerned, my OG is fantastic, as it consists of many down-to-earth yet interesting individuals. The guys, especially, deserve a special mention. When a group of us girls lagged behind, Nicholas actually doubled back to make sure that we could keep up, and yet another, Jonathan, gave us a lift home (he insisted). Yes, university life has been good so far, and I'm really hoping that things will remain the same throughout my entire tenure at SMU. *Crosses fingers*
On top of that, my facilitator's also very bubbly and approachable - his name is Kenny, if you guys are curious. For the very first time, I meet seniors who are not condescending and who do not exude a holier-than-thou "aura" and they are not afraid to have fun. The same goes for my lecturers, whom I met yesterday(I'll go into details later). Speaking of OG and facilitators, many have been quick to note that my group number's well, a tad "colourful", and they've not tried to hide their amusement. I'm a proud member of 69 by the way. While I have not been entirely enthusiastic with regard to the whole idea of camping in school earlier on, I'm beginning to believe that the whole program's going to be a blast!
Speaking of weird, colourful characters, I'm pleased to announce that having met the faculty members who have been entrusted with the sacred task of imparting knowledge to us, the leaders of the future (yeah right), I have faith that I'm in good hands. Where else would you be able to find lecturers who tease and give one another nick names? When my dean, too, accepted all jokes and ribbing graciously, I was really won over. Life can only get more exciting from now on as I embark on the final stages of my life as a carefree student.
Thank God for His blessings and His divine interventions - they have brought me to where I am today and I couldn't be happier. Praise His holy name.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Thursday, August 05, 2004
♥ 1:23 PM
School will be beginning soon, and heck, I'm not that interested. Having read Janise's blog (check her out; she's one tough chick), I've come to the conclusion that regardless of which university you've opted to attend, you're still basically stuck in Singapore and thus, the Singaporean mentality remains. What do I mean by that? Well, for starters, how many of us who've been through the rigorous eudcational system are followers, and how many are the rebels who go on to leave a blazing trail of success behind them? It's sad to note that despite the government urging people to stand up and be heard, it's all talk but no action. I, for one, have been taught from young to follow the crowd, be part of the herd, and that it's better to be safe than sorry. The sense of oppression is so strong that at times, I'm inclined to pack up and quit. Of course, that cannot be done because in this shallow world, a degree is entirely necessary to start you off on a reasonable pay in our society. However shallow this sounds, I believe that money is really everything in this world. You can disagree with me, but this is my frank opinion. I'm pragmatic and cynical, and I'm more than happy with the way I am.
I was talking to a friend the other day, and yes, I was strangely appalled by how immature he seemed despite being a few years my senior. While I held fast to the logic that the only reason why orientation camp is worth attending would be the ability to interact and do some networking with people whom you'll need in the future, he felt that it would be fun to see how popular he can get and how people would react to his OTT behaviour. Strangely, that changed my opinion of him. How can somebody who is so intelligent and successful academically be so retarded when it comes to reality? This is yet another failure of our education system. In the midst of churning out scholar after scholar, we've overlooked the fact that knowledge of subjects which we study is not the skill which will guarantee success in the workforce. It's EQ over IQ in a world where politics are so thick that we can suffocate in it.
On a jauntier note, I read Ling's blog and hey, nice to hear that somebody is actually enjoying school. Guess she's more optimistic than I am when it comes to university and issues related to it. For me, my luck's so bad that I'll probably end up with the meanest lecturers and most boring of the lot - well, maybe I should start being an optimist so that the bad aura around me would fade. *shrugs* Oh well. Okie then, school's gonna be fantastic, and I'm sure I'll be surrounded by the nicest bunch of people I've ever come across! Sheesh, that sounds terribly unlike me. *cringes*
Okok, enough of all this nonsense. To all freshmen enrolled at the various universities, have a great term ahead!
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Sunday, August 01, 2004
♥ 4:06 PM
Okay, I know that I haven't been blogging for a week now, so here's my most heartfelt apologies to all my friends who frequent my blog. For the record, I bought myself a big new Nike duffel bag as well as a nice shoebag (Nike too of course) and I'm all packed and ready to attend the upcoming camp. Frankly, while I've nver been the sort to fly into a tizzy over a stupid camp, I'm rather excited about thsi particular one. For one, it would be the first camp which I would be going to as a university student and also, it's an excellent opportunity for me to do some networking. Many young people tend to over look the importance of this aspect of campus life, and it's a crying shame because it is so essential - at least in my opinion.
Enough of my university life and all. Good news people: Mary passed her driving test at her third attempt! Hurray! Now there would be a legal driver besides me in my small but lovely circle of friends. Well done my girl. Phew, if you haven't been through the harrowing experience of having a stern, stone-faced examiner sitting in almost complete silence next to you while you negotitiate tricky twists and turns to the best of your ability in hopes of securing that elusive driver's license, you would not understand totally the euphoria of finally getting your hands on one of these babies. For me, I could barely contain my joy as I skipped my way home! I felt like I owned the world for all of ten minutes, which says a lot considering the fact that I can be quite the pessimist most of the time.
Still on the topic of my circle of friends, Suyin would be leaving for Yale soon, and while I'm delighted that she would have the chance to pursue the course of her choice at her dream college, a part of me wishes that we would not have to part. First Dawn, now her. It's an almost surreal feeling actually, and I hope that I wake up from this nightmare soon. Oh well, like I always say: reality bites.
Ok, now back to reality. School term would commence soon, and I'm feeling rather lazy (you mean almost a year of holidays are gone just like that?!). It's difficult if not impossible to regain the momentum I've had for the past twelve years after having halted school for such a prolonged period of time. However, what has to be done, well, has to be done. Another four years of school and I'll be thrust into the cruel, unforgiving work force were I would have to jostle with like-minded, ambitious graduates like myself for a place in society. I'm so looking forward to this magnificent day which will come too soon (I'm so sure). Sigh, life can get pretty depressing when you delve into issues like such but somehow, we've to force ourselves to face up to the hard, cold facts of life.
Sometimes I do wish that we could all remain young and innocent. But that would be just plain scary.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
