Thursday, December 30, 2004
♥ 5:48 PM
What goes around comes around
Met Ling and Esther for sushi at Heartland Mall's Sakae Sushi branch. Wolfed down a total of 20 plates (!) in total. It was a disturbing, if not scary sight to see 3 girls with such ferocious appetites. While lunching, we talked about relationships and as I watched the conveyer belt with delectable plates of overpriced sushi - we're suckers to pay so much for little morsels of japanese sticky rice with a bit of topping on them - I somehow thought of how my life has turned out so far.
As long as I can remember, my love life is reminiscent of the conveyer belt at any random sushi joint - after making a big detour, I always come back to square one. Regardless of who I am dating, I inevitably get myself hurt, and instead of learning from my mistakes, I tend to deal with my problems in exactly the same manner as before. I don't know what I'm trying to achieve, and for the first time, I am able to realise the folly of my ways although I'm still unable to deal with them rationally.
However, it is selfish of me to dwell on my own problems, knowing that the world out there is experiencing a bigger crisis currently. If you've been on this planet, you would know that as of today, the death toll for the tsunamis which struck this region stands at more than 80000. It saddens me further when I think of those who have lost children, or children who have lost parents. Being someone who hopes to be a mother herself in the future, it is heart wrenching to hear of children perishing in such a brutal manner. Images of frightened, desperate little ones haunt me whenever I think of their final moments before they are robbed of their young lives.
How any mother, or parent, for that matter, can deal with such a huge loss is totally beyond me. Here, I thank God for the lives of those who have perished, and I pray that God would bless their bereaved families and to support them in this time of need. Thank God for the help which has poured in from various parts of the world. Thank God for those who survived.
This is a reminder to those who are hurting: remember that whatever you're going through, you're never alone. We have a God in heaven who loves us more than anyone else in this world and we are never alone even during our darkest hour.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
♥ 8:41 PM
Exhaustion...and it's not just physical
Went for a 24 hr total epee camp and it was quite an experience. Imagine fencing after mid night, imagine spending 24 hrs confined to a small area with 16 others. That's what I experienced and it was awesome. Aside from the fact that I broke down all of 3 times within 24 hrs, I had fun.
It was tougher than I imagined, sitting there, watching him showering affection on one other than myself. It hurt seeing him avoiding me. Thank God for Jeraldine, Sophie and Coach for their support. Thank God for Jeri being perceptive enough to sense that I was close to my breaking point and for coming to my aid. It was therapeutic to just let everything out. I've been bottling everything up for far too long now, and I guess that resulted in the huge meltdown.
I was disgusted by how I've allowed his actions to affect me. Although I tried to rationalise and constantly reminded myself that it matters not what he does with hs life, that he was never mine to lose anyway, a part of me still cares. Thinking back, it was almost surreal; me standing there with tears welling up my eyes while he comforts another girl. Him not caring that I almost collapsed during my final bout. The whole scenario seems so distant now, but yet, it still has the ability to wound me.
We all have to move on, and I guess I really ought to, since it's evident that he has.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Monday, December 27, 2004
♥ 10:28 AM
There's a time for everything...
26th December 2004
Went to Sophie's place for a fencing gathering, and although it was a largely quiet affair, I enjoyed myself tremendously. Aside from the fact that I overate and drank despite having to drive myself home later on, one thing which struck me was how differently I felt towards him.
Flashback to the conversation I had at Su's place with her mom and my precious girls...I guess the little talk we had really woke me up. It's as if I've been struck hard on the head and regained my senses because of that. Although I cannot say for sure that all romantic feelings I have for him are gone, I can no longer picture myself with him, and that's a good thing.
Moving on, I just read my sis's blog as well as Val's, and let me just say that I am guilty of being one of those Christians who simply couldn't give 2 hoots about anything other than those which would affect me. This is awful, especially since I was formerly a cell leader intern and a devout follower of Christ. What in the world is happening?
Reading their blogs, I realised that for too long a time, I've been neglecting God and just living life the way I want to live it without factoring God into it. If you think that this has made me feel better, well, it hasn't. I've never felt more wretched, never been lonelier, never experienced so much misery. I know now that with God by my side and as my guide, I'll never be alone again.
Thank You Lord Jesus for Christmas. Thank You for dying on the cross for us. Praise You for all Your glorious deeds. Praise You for all Your love and great mercies. Truly I'll never fall with You by my side.
From now on, I'm running the race with God by my side. I'm not alone anymore! Priase the Lord!
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Saturday, December 25, 2004
♥ 7:16 PM
Christmas time, time to share our love...
It's Christmas day today - or rather, today's the designated day whereby Christians celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. The exact date of His glorious birth could very well be another date other than December the 25th. Well, for the record, I did not go gallivanting with any friends. Instead, my sister and I kept the entire day free for our parents and we had a good lunch together with them - the whole experience was fabulous. It has been so awfully long since I have had the chance to lunch with them at a leisurely pace.
So there you have it; this is how I spent my Christmas of 2004. Ever since I came of age and became interested in the opposite gender, I've been praying to God for that special someone to spend Christmas with. Oh well, no luck so far, but I'm holding on. There's always next year and I have faith that God will not let me remain lonely for good. I only have to learn to seek His face first and everything else will follow.
Had a mini gathering at Suyin's place last night, and we enjoyed good company as well as deliciously addictive food. Think along the lines of Shepard's pie, mexican rice, salsa dip and chips and you would get my drift. However, the conversational topics we covered far surpassed the excellent food. It has been ages since I've had such a good time just chilling out and soaking in the atmosphere of having the people you love around you. To me, the best moment was when I had the opportunity to wish them "Merry Xmas" at the stroke of midnight. Suyin's parents, especially her mom, spared no expense in an attempt to make us feel at home and I greatly appreciate that. Mr and Mrs Tan, you rock! :)
Having said that, when all the dust settles and I'm by my own again, my thoughts would wander towards Janise's comment: "You're not over him". Yes, it's true. I'm inot over him. I have no idea as to how long I would take to put this behind me, and I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't been trying very hard. Guess I've less will power than I think I possess.
On a lighter note, there'll be a gathering at my president's place tomorrow and I'll be baking pudding to bring along. Somehow, the thought of cooking fills me with excitement, and I really cannot wait to interact with my fellow fencers once again. Oh well, I'm crossing my fingers and toes that the pudding will turn out just right.
Wish me luck girls!
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Thursday, December 23, 2004
♥ 7:15 PM
The world's round...and so is a bowling ball
Went bowling today for the first time in my life with Ron and him. Oh well, let's just say that I'll be sticking to tennis for the time being - my dismal scores did nothing to encourage me at all. Really, although I hate to admit it, there is something rather therapeutic about rolling a ball and watching it knock down pins. Inane, but really, rather relaxing.
I know I shouldn't be gushing, but he looked terrific when he bowled - suave and oh-so-handsome. In a nutshell, absolutely (or as Mr Big would say, "abso-fucking-lutely") irresistible. I was strongly tempted to embrace him and let him know how treasured he is by me. How I long for the opportunity to say to him the words which have been kept inside the recesses of my heart for ages. What wouldn't I give for another chance to hold that strong hand of his, to date him once more. I have so many regrets. For the umpteenth time, I had this overwhelming urge to day to him: "my precious dear, I'm still not over you. To me, you're irreplaceable". Damn, I really ought to exercise more self-control.
Speaking of self-control, I ould like to say that I possess none of it at all. We went to Coronation Plaza for lunch, and even though I told myself that I must not finish my entire plate of fried rice and chicken chop, I did just that. Sheesh, I hate myself for doing this to my waistline. In case you guys are wondering, nope, I did not attempt to park at the crazily narrow Coronation Plaza carpark. Rather, I parked in HCJC (my alma mater, yay!) *rolls eyes* It was nice sharing one part of my life with him, letting him view the place where I spent 2 years of my academic life in.
The tranquil sight which greeted me upon entering the school compound filled me with a sense of nostalgia. For the first time, I really wished that I could be transported back to the carefree days before having met him. How nice it would be if I could relive the mornings where my clique would gather outside the school audi and just enjoy each other's company. Seeing the school today filled me with a great deal of sadness as I realised that I've grown up. I'm no longer the innocent girl of yesteryear. I miss this lost side of me. Life was so much less complicated then.
Having said that, I would have to confess that he has given me many beautiful memories, and the sight of his dazzling smile still never fails to make my heart skip a beat. Yes, he may not be the smartest, or the cutest, or even the most eligible, but to me, he is near perfect. Essentially, I know fully well that I'm searching for Mr Right and not Mr Perfect. In my eyes, he's more than enough for me. I would be contented just to have him by my side.
Am I in love? Well, I've no idea.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
♥ 8:20 PM
Conforming....a necessary evil?
I went shopping today and bought myself 3 mini skirts and a lacy spag top. Upon reflection when I got back, I realised that I'm merely another victim of conformity. Why do I see the need to wear obscene little articles of clothing like that? To feel accepted? Or is it because everyone else feels that it's the "in" thing to wear? In all honesty, although I may tease my sister for being a prude when it comes to her dressing, deep down, I truly respect her. Now here's a girl who doesn't feel the need to be restricted by what fashion trends dictate to be acceptable. To her, whatever makes her feel comfortable in would be what's fashionable. I really admire her resolution to live life by her own rules. In comparison, what am I but an insecure twit who blindly follows the crowd just to gain that bit of self-assurance and validation.
Looking at my wardrobe just now, I felt digust. Why am I trying to hide myself behind the things which I wear? At times, I would really want to just be myself and to do whatever makes me happy. But really, is that possible in reality? The world's not a land where dreams come true. Instead, we're surrounded by people who are clambering to emerge victorious in this vicious rat race and yes, I do feel weary despite my "tender" age.
Following trends almost cost me my mind. For the first time, I'm going to come out and admit it. Yes, for a few months this year, I was suffering from an eating disorder, hence my extreme weight loss. Although I was what society would call beautiful, I was miserable. Now, although I veer towards what would be deemed as plump or even fat in society's eyes, I'm much happier wiith myself and this is the way I would like to remain. I was never meant to be skinny and it's time I embraced my full figure. Call me fat, call me delusional, I don't care anymore. What is the point of being so skinny at the expense of my health and fertility?
This is one hard fought battle which I have won and I thank God for seeing me through this entire ordeal. The days whereby I survived on zero carbs and no protein are over. I've a beautiful body, and it's high time I realised that. By that, I mean that I would want to have the confidence to wear whatever I what despite my lack of an androgynous figure. They say that clothes maketh a man, and I believe that. However, I no longer believe that I have to starve in order to fit into what society dictates to be fashionable. Yes, I may not be able to carry off body hugging tops or tiny jeans but there are a lot more beautiful clothes out there for girls like me. I just have to look hard enough.
Alright, I know this has been one intense post, but I have to get this off my chest. If not, I might very well suffocate.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Sunday, December 19, 2004
♥ 5:03 PM
When one door closes, another opens...
I wonder if the above saying is true. It is with an extremely heavy heart that I'm opening up my hands and letting the achingly beautiful butterfly which I've been holding on to go. With faith, I believe that should it be God's marvelous plans, then this butterfly will eventually return to me. Letting go is hard - it's unbelievably painful - but this is my way of loving him. If by setting him free I can grant him bliss and peace, then I do so with absolutely no regrets. Although there's no way of him ever gaining access to my blog, I would still want to wish him all happiness. This is my way of healing, and my way of caring for him.
The best for me now would be to avoid all contact with him, but given the fact that we belong to the same CCA, this option's beyond my reach. Whenever I see him, feelings of tenderness threaten to overwhelm me and yes, I'm still battling to maintain a semblence of rationality when he's in close proximity. Through it all, I still do believe that God is wonderful and that when I begin to seek Him wholeheartedly, everything will fall into place.
Right, now on to a more cheerful subject. Went to Cavendish Park last evening for Fencing Master's Christmas BBQ. For the first time in eons, I truly had fun without any reservations. For one, besides loads of good food, I made a few new friends too, which is fantastic. For another, I - yes me - was one of the lucky few who were thrown into the condo's pool yesterday. Heck, the feeling was awesome. I mean, when was the last time you swam with all your clothes on? Suddenly, I feel young again. Which isn't a bad thing considering how jaded I've been feeling these days. Whoa, never knew being dunked could feel so fabulous! Girls, next time I organise a party at my place, be sure to bring an extra change of clothes along. *Evil Laughter*
Christmas is just round the corner, and this is always the time when I feel exceedingly lonely. For those who are not in the know, I've always been praying for that special individual to spend Christmas with. What won't I give for that elusive fella to wake me up with a warm Christmas emborace, to attend Christmas service with and to walk down the magnificently decorated Orchard shopping belt with. Gosh, I hope that Christmas is not too far off. Yes, I know that many of you may feel that being independent women, we do not need men to sustain us. I do agree with this sentiment, but this does not change the idea that I'm a traditional girl at heart - in the end, I hope to be married to Mr Right; to grow old with this wonderful companion of mine. In a way, we are not meant to be alone. Human beings are social creatures - this is an undeniable fact.
Right, think I'm getting a tad sappy again. Oh well, this tends to happen around Christmas...sigh. Anyway, girls, be sure to give me an SMS and tell me when you all would be free to meet up. Till then take care and be happy.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Friday, December 17, 2004
♥ 7:59 PM
Focus girl, focus!
I'm terribly disgusted with myself. Went for fencing training today and found myself being distracted to the point whereby I lost every single bout I fenced - miserably. Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I tormenting myself this way? Although I'm inclined to blame him for my lacklustre performance and bad mood, I know fully well that the problem lies entirely with me. I have to sober up and realise that by inflicting such wounds on myself, the only one who's hurting would be me - he wouldn't give a damn at all.
Slowly but surely, I'm sinking back into my own little, drab world and it scares me. During training today, I felt so melancholic that I almost broke down then and there. People who know and love me know that I'm fully competent when it comes to controlling my emotions and this is why I'm beginning to view this whole situation as being extremely frightful. When would I snap out of this? Gosh, this hurts.
My situation got me thinking about the famous saying that if you love someone, you should set them free - if they return, they're yours; if not, then it was never meant to be. Honestly, I don't know if I love him, but on my way back today, whilst being caught in the rush hour jam, I decided to let him go. I believe that if this union's right, then we would be reunited; if not, then I'll just move on. The beautiful memories I have would serve as a momento - that's enough for me.
I know I'm being sentimental today, and I do apologise, but I can't seem to help it. Torrents of emotions have been rushing through me the whole day, and this is my one respite; my one outlet. Seeing him smile brings joy to me, and I guess if he's truly happy with her, then I should give him my full blessings. He was never mine to lose anyway.
This brings to mind the lyrics of Mariah Carey's "Butterfly" whereby she sings of a lost love - "spread your wings and prepare to fly/for you have become a butterfly/fly abandonedly into the sun/if you should return to me/we truly were meant to be/spread your wings and fly/butterfly". Poignant, but true. This is my current state of mind and I detest it. I loathe this feelings of helplessness. Thus, I resolve to pull myself together as soon as possible and to find my own piece of heaven.
The whole process might take time, but I've got to do it for my own good.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Thursday, December 16, 2004
♥ 3:47 PM
Looking at the world thru' tinted glasses
Hmmz, mtaphorically, our visions are all coloured due to preexisting conceptions and beliefs. Given this limitation, society can never be as cohesive as we would like it to be. Although this may seem dreary, how many of us are truly bothered by the fact that racism, biases and the like still remain and are getting more prevalent than before?
Ok, enough of that, my aim in naming this particular post as such is due to - you guessed it - the fact that after much thought, I'm finally getting myself some coloured contacts. I paid and ordered them a couple of days ago, and picked them up last night. How exciting! Alas, given my bad fortune, I realised that my optometrist had mistakenly given me contacts which bear my sister's power. Talk about bad luck. Now, I have to wait for a few more days before I can experience the world through tinted lenses. Sheesh.
Made yet another round of bread and butter pudding, although I tweaked the recipe a little and added more vanilla, less cinnamon and loads of chocolate chips. The end result? A deliciously rich dessert I hope would be received warmly during the pot luck dinner. *crosses fingers and toes*
Saw a little backless top - fine, it's little more than a piece of oriental fabric - which really tempted me. However, upon some thought, I resisted the urge to purchase it as wearing it would certainly gain me some attention - in the wrong way. I don't have to reveal so much of myself (pun fully intended) to be accepted...right?
Anyway, I would be leaving my teenage years behind soon - I turn 20 next month - and it's time to really enjoy myself before the reality that I'm officially getting old sinks in. Damn, life sure sucks at times does it not?
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
♥ 2:07 PM
Bread and Butter Pudding
I'm going to bring some bread and butter pudding as my contribution towards the potluck dinner which my fencing pres would be organising. Pudding??? Are you kidding?? Heh, that's my friends' responses when I told them, but then again, they don't know that this gal can cook.
Went to NTUC yesterday night to buy ingredients - I tried it out once last night and yummy! Tasted quite ok actually! To those who are interested, here are the ingredients which you would need:
1) Eggs (about 8)
2) Milk (approx 1 litre)
3) White Bread (10 slices)
4) Butter (120g)
5) Sugar (250g)
6) Raisins (120g)
7) Almond Flakes
8) Vanilla Essence
9) Cinnamon powder
10) Dash of Brandy or Whiskey
11) Chocolate flakes
Basically, you just throw all the ingredients together, bake it and voila! Bread and butter pudding! For those gals who want the recipe, just gimme a holler. :)
On top of that, I bought myself coloured contacts as well. Yep, you heard me right. For the next 2 months, Serene will be walking around with brown eyes - wanted violet at first but I figured that purple eyes for the next couple of months would be a bit much. Hehe.
Okok, gotta run - going furniture shopping with my folks. Catch you girls again!
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Sunday, December 12, 2004
♥ 7:53 PM
Fencing...
Participated in my very first fencing competition today, and let's just say that although I did not win a single bout, it was a pretty enriching experience. I guess what really got me was the pressure I had put myself under. Nevertheless, it was pretty good exposure and I'm looking forward to the novices coming up in January. By the way, I managed to win for myself a $10 Royal Sporting House voucher so yeah, today didn't go too badly by my standards.
Emotionally though, I feel in insecure and drained. Seems like there are a few people in fencing who do not like me, and well, this saddens me. There's really nothing I can do about it except to just grit my teeth and be more tolerant. I've done nothing. Why is it that everywhere I go, there are people who would judge me unfairly. This has been a real dampener for me.
Thank God for the friends I have around me. They are the people who truly can love me for who I am. Thank God for their love and care. Without them, I would have perished a long time ago.
Seeing him today filled me with a great deal of conflicting emotions. On the one hand, I'm well aware of the fact that I should just convince myself that he's not worth my time and ignore him, but yet, another part of me is struggling. I can't deny it : I do have strong feelings for him still. This requires time to fade and for now, my wounds are still very raw. I hurt so very badly.
God, if you're hearing this, please help me.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Saturday, December 11, 2004
♥ 1:43 AM
Chocs and Love
Went to Fullerton Hotel with Janise, Mary, Ling as well as a couple of other girls from NUS' medicine faculty. Well, to be frank, I'm not a fan of chocolate and so, I agreed to fork out close to 40 bucks for the chocolate buffet because I knew that the company would be fantastic. For the record, let's just say that I wouldn't be touching chocolate for the next 10 years. Whoa, it was unreal to eat everything containing chocolate when I do not really relish the taste of the brown sticky, sweet stuff which girls go totally nuts over. I'm more of a vanilla girl.
Anyway, we girls talked about everything under the sun, and it was liberating to be able to just let go and say whatever I had to say. I loved the freedom. I loved the idea of being able to discuss anything without having to worry about offending anyone's sensibilities. In short, I loved the company I had tonight.
While we were there stuffing our faces with chocolatey food, one happy couple were holding their wedding banquet at the hotel's ballroom. Being the nosey parker that I am, I crashed the wedding (somewhat) together with a couple of my friends. Seriously, the whole atmosphere truly captivated me, and suddenly, I cannot wait for the day when I would be the bride and not just any random gatecrasher. This may sound rather strange, but I've found the perfect venue for my wedding banquet. Small and intimate, Fullerton Hotel is the perfect haven for me. Sigh.
After all that chocolate, I'm feeling rather sluggish. Time for me to drag myself to bed. Sweet dreams!
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
♥ 8:26 PM
Foolish Games
I went to straighten and cut my hair today. Somehow, the idea of chopping off my locks after a traumatic experience seems to liberate me. In the past, whenever something went wrong, I would go shorten my hair just to symbolise a new beginning. Childish as it may seem, it is extremely therapeutic to me. Shopping is yet another form of therapy in my case, and in case you're wondering, of course I went shopping today after having cut my hair.
Surprisingly, I bought nothing for myself today. Instead, I bought Junyuan 2 shirts from G2000 to thank him for coming to my rescue both times when I unfortunately managed to puncture my tyre. I hate to admit this, but I did get something for him as well. I was with my dad, and he told me to just get something to thank that guy s that I wouldn't owe him anything. After browsing for close to 2 hours, I finally settled on a navy blue Lee shirt. Really nice, and the price was rather reasonable as well.
Received my results for political science today, and although I wasn't disappointed, the results did not delight me either. I obtained a B+, and yes, some may think that I've done well, but I feel like I have not accomplished what I set out to achieve. No matter, thank God for His goodness and for my results so far. I could never have done it without Him. Thank God for everything.
Ahhh....feels good to finally get out of the house today.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
♥ 11:30 AM
What makes you different makes you beautiful
I'm currently listening to this track by the Backstreet Boys - yes, they're tacky but this song's good - and I find it extremely meaningful, especially after reading Jan's blog. All of us are different in our unique ways, and if people cannot learn to love or accept us the way we are, then I say we're better off without them. No one should expect anyone else to change just to fit in with the crowd. By having such demands, you're simply telling the other person that you are unable to love him. If that's the case, then so be it.
Jan, I just read your blog and I'm really touched by what you've written. Yes, I've to start believing that I am the best and therefore should not settle for anything less than that. You've been my unwavering source of support all these years and I'm immensely thankful to have you as a friend as well as a confidante. Thank you so much for loving me just the way I am. Of course, that goes for all the beautiful people out there who never stopped having faith in me too. Thanks girls for everything you've all given to me. I wouldn't have made it here without all of you.
I went for fencing training yesterday, and boy did I show him that I mean business. Not only was I hostile, I was abrasive as well. Why should I bother about his feelings when he doesn't give two hoots about mine? Tit for tat. If you don't give a damn about me, then don't expect me to care about you. This is me. Take it or leave it. I don't need you. I've my friends and family who love and support me. So just go, take your faggoty little bloody kite, and fly it. Don't even dream of stepping back into my life ever again. I'm closing this door, locking it and throwing away the key. Good riddance you parasite.
Boy that felt good. Oh yes, upon reading Jan's comments regarding Singaporeans and sex, I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Although some may find her comments rude or even irreverent, but come on people, we all know that what she mentioned is totally pertinent. To me, the average person ought to have sex AT LEAST every other day. Like I've mentioned to her before, sex, to me, constitutes a gargantuan part of any relationship. Biologically, we're all wired in such a way that sex is not just a want - it's a need. And so, there's no denying the fact that improving the people's sex lives ought to be something the government should focus on. Instead of shying away from this topic, I feel that we should all embrace our sexuality proudly and to explore the myriad ways in which sex can truly be, er, fantastic.
Oh yes, some people may think me bitchy, but let me tell you this: I'm enjoying every moment of it so just buzz off and go get a life.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Sunday, December 05, 2004
♥ 9:33 PM
To have and to hold...
I was doing a bit of thinking today, reflecting on my attitude towards love and relationships, when I discovered finally that for many of us, we live with some sort of regret which would always serve as a painful reminder to what we may have desired but were unable to have.
Regret. That's the topic I've been dwelling on. For the longest time, I've always wanted a companion. To be part of what people would call a couple. This bugged me for years, and I truly regret letting this issue bother me. Thanks to this nagging fear of ending up alone, I've searched for love in all the wrong places, getting my heart bruised and battered. This is the one big mistake I've made in my life so far.
Upon reading other blogs, I realise that everybody lives with some sort of regret. Many times, we simply brush it off, or even repress it. However, ultimately, it will come back to haunt us. This hols, it is time for me to clean out my closet and to try and redefine myself. For one, I feel like I've been living for all the wrong reasons, chasing after goals that are largely unimportant. It is time for some changes to take place.
For starters,I would like to develop a closer relationship with God, and to serve His kingdom in whatever way He would want me to. After that, I feel a sense of urgency to start living life the way I ought to have been leading it all these while. That would serve to liberate me - from now on, I'm living for myself. No more chasing after impossible dreams. Time to come back down to earth. Time to wake up and take in the world as it is.
Ok girls, I'm ready to face the world. Wish me luck!
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Thursday, December 02, 2004
♥ 12:14 PM
Mambo mambo mambo
Went for Mambo night at Zouk with friends yesterday, and let's just say that I had a blast! The muswic, though a tad cheesy, sounded really good and it was marvellous to just let go of myself completely for that few hours. Fantastic.
Oh well, besides the dancing, I was also introduced to this really hot dude who's back in Singapore on vacation. Wow, I DO NOT regret dressing up last night at all. Whoa....he's really one dishy dude - and he's shockingly single.
This post is gonna be a bit short as I'm in a rush - meeting friends later so here goes a final bit I wanna share. Thank God for my grades so far. I am well aware of the fact that I haven't been putting in much effort with regard to my school work but still, He has blessed me with an A- for Comm and a B- for psychology. Thank God for His goodness and mercy. I could never have done it without Him. Thank God!
Okie dokes, congrats to Jan on passing her driving (YAY!), to Val for having completed her A level examinations and to Ling on getting her ears pierced. I'll see you babes soon!
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
