Thursday, June 26, 2008
♥ 5:19 PM
DoubtsTomorrow marks the end of the first week of my ESE (and also my first 5 days back in a school - this time as a teacher) and while my workload has been
manageable and my mentors terribly nice, I feel myself getting more apprehensive with each second.
Maybe it's my compatibility - or lack of - with the school I've been posted to, but the fatigue which has been plaguing me has been nothing short of horrible, and my disillusionment with the apathetic students of today
overwhelmingly great for a newcomer to the profession.
I'll be taking over my mentor's full load during my last 2 weeks as an ESE participant with the school as she'll be away, but somehow, I'm not quite excited.
It has
occurred to me that this could well be a spiritual attack, seeing that I'm close to completing my SP course, on the brink of attending DEW (which is supposedly really really impactful), and following the Lord's calling into the world of educating the young.
While a part of me is sorely tempted to throw in the towel and to back away from the contract I've just signed - the damages I'll have to pay is minimal at this point in time - I sense a need to press on, that the Lord will carry me through this more than adequately.
He'll help me, I know He would; this has been promised to me during my QT yesterday morning.
The only problem is, I am seriously doubting myself.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Sunday, June 22, 2008
♥ 8:55 PM
New BeginningsThat's the name of one of my "textbooks" for the SP course I'm currently attending - I just finished lesson 3 of 6 this afternoon =)
I thank Daddy dearest for enabling me to carry on despite my fatigue.
3 more weeks to graduation from SP course and also officially from SMU =)
2 more weeks to the "out-field" SALTing activity we will have to carry out during class time; I'm excited and apprehensive at the same time about doing street evangelism.
Prior to that, I welcomed the weekend with my cell - we organised a little dinner by the river at Cafe Iguana for birthday couple Zel and Charis and got them matching "couple tees" as a cell present (chosen by none other than Kenneth and I after a lengthy and amusing debate my the pushcart hawking those cute pieces of apparel).
Nursery yesterday was quite an experience too. Was posted to N1 for the first time, and my arm is still aching from having to carry little wailing Emma around for quite a prolonged period of time. Service in church can be so satisfyingly tiring.
So I spent the large part of this week at NIE registering myself, attending various briefings and attending the Teacher Preparatoy Programme before going on my 4 week Enhanced School Experience at an unnamed educational institution near my home.
Tomorrow marks my first official work day; I have faith that God will ensure that the mentor assigned to me will be one from whom I will be able to derive a lot of guidance and insight from.
To say that I am just a little bit scared will be quite a bit of an understatement - kids these days are no longer like those of the past, or so I have heard.
In any case, the Lord my Shepherd has led me thus far, and He will lead me further.
As long as He is right here beside me, I will not be shaken.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
♥ 1:54 PM
2 weeksThat's how long it has been since my last post.
Scary how time seems to fly; I'll turn (oh no!) 24 in half a year.
Had the oddest dream last night, in which many of my closest friends featured. It appeared scarily surreal, simply because everything was rather "normal" - my dreams are often ludicrous to the point of being laughable.
Perhaps that could be due to the fact that I met Janise (at last!) for tea yesterday. Technically neither of us had tea - I had the most expensive vegetable soup I have ever ordered and she opted for a healthy vegetable salad - but it was a novel experience catching up while snacking instead of nursing a drink of some sort.
This time last week, it was yet another catch-up session with Chesh at Shokudo, where we stuffed ourselves silly with dessert.
The things girls do to themselves.
Oh yes, attended my cousin's customary wedding banquet on Monday evening at The Grand Corpthorne, and well, it was a pretty weird experience, though the food was extraordinarily good for grub served at such occasions.
Besides my cousin being mistaken for my boyfriend by one of the aunts - she's new to the family, bless her soul - I was also filled with a desire to settle down myself; this is a thought which has terrified me for some time now.
I blame the frigidly cold temperature in the ballroom, the red wine, and the hearty food for invoking such foreign sensations in my aging spirit.
Oh yes, I castigate fatigue too for making me all sweet and gooey on the inside; it is hard not to be tired when I was out shopping with lil' sis the entire day before the dinner on Monday. That, and the adrenaline rush which filled my veins when we visited the likes of Dior, Prada and LV just for fun.
So, it's barely a week more before work begins proper, and 4 more days to my next Spiritual Parenting course.
I'm seriously quite excited about learning more about the Lord, His plans for me, and how I can better serve Him in the future which awaits.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
