My little satchel

She sits in front of her computer, staring mutely at the bright screen. Her fingers move effortlessly across the keyboard, forming words which are not coming easily.

There is so much to say, so much emotion threatening to overwhelm her, but yet, she knows not how to even begin enunciating them.

She stops, stops to ponder, to mull over the myriad thoughts racing through her throbbing head. Sighing, she casts her glance downwards.

Resting in her lap, clutched lovingly in her weary arms lies a tattered satchel.

Many a night has been spent guarding the contents of the nondescript bag jealously; now, she is tired. The burden of holding on to something which may be someday taken away from her has become too much to bear.

A sound jolts her out of her reverie.

Startled, disoriented, she looks up.

Yes, there it is again. That gentle, soothing voice calling her name, beckoning her towards its source.

She is no longer alone; she never really was, and now, she will never be again.

With a cry, she gratefully runs into the secure arms stretched forth towards her, allowing herself to be clasped in the loving embrace ofHim who loves her above all else.

Smiling, He gently pries the dirty little bag out of her grasp, and wipes the tears off her face. The burden is hers no more.

"Thank you", she mouths silently, not knowing what else to say in the face of such grace, mercy and love.

He smiles again. Gently, He helps her to her feet.

Holding her hand, he leads her away from the desolate little room which has held her captive for a long time and guides her towards a most beautiful utopia.

Stepping into the brightly lit, cheery haven, she lets out a peal of joyous laughter.

A beautifully melodious chuckle is heard.

She whips around, sees Him lingering by her side, and flashes a wide grin.

There, in paradise, she is loved.

There, under the loving guidance of her Saviour, she will never again walk alone.

Fly me to the moon

On cloud 9. The phrase often used to describe the insane, intoxicating state of delirium (or euphoria) one is propelled to when he fancies himself to be, ahem, in love.

No, correction: those 3 little words can only be employed when these feelings are reciprocated. You can hardly be considered the happiest being on planet earth when your feelings have been returned to you unopened in the beautifully wrapped box in which you placed them when you gave them away.

I am, as of now, neither on cloud 9 nor wallowing in misery in the pits of despair.

Like Rachel - she's such a sweet darling - said, I need to guard my heart, and to do it well. My situation may not be hopeless, but it is nevertheless dangerous to become overly optimistic.

My happiness rests in God, and my sister (thank you) reminded me that to view anything as being impossible is simply limiting God's powers and what He can ultimately accomplish.

We can keep guessing, keep agonising, but we can never read another person's mind, regardless of how we sometimes argue that we can. Although the uncertainty, the insecurity and the unease can sometimes overwhelm us, engulfing us in a dark veil of smoky desolation, it helps to know that our loving Saviour is there, armed with His torchlight, looking for us.

No situation is too difficult for Him to handle, no burden too troublesome for Him to bear. His great love humbles, and reminds me of how blessed I really am when things do not go the way I want them to. His love is wonderful from everlasting to everlasting.

Therefore, although there will be times when I may trip, I will lift up, in particular, this troubling area of my life to Him who cares. I will never survive on my own, nor do I even want to try.

When the going gets tough, the tough turn to God in surrender.







Chances

A stroll through Bugis Village after school yesterday brought me more than what I had expected.

Besides 2 tops which are - and I apologise for want of a better word - "pretty cute", a wrong turn also enabled me to encounter a fiesty senior citizen manning one of the many stalls for her daughter.

Yes, one of the tops I eventually coughed up more than $20 for came from that outlet tucked in a quieter corner of the bustling place, but I came away with so much more than a colourful piece of garment.

What I had intended to be a friendly greeted quickly developed into a 35-minute long chat with the friendly woman who claimed to be 60 but looked so much younger.

As her life-story unfolded, I began to marvel at her ability to remain contented - and yes, happy even - despite the poverty and hardship which characterised her younger days. What really spoke to me, however, were her urgings for me to find myself a partner, her assertion that I was old enough, pretty enough to attract a decent companion.

There was simply no way that she could have known how I have been mulling over this issue, unsure of whether I was ready to take the plunge.

It was miraculous how she accurately responded to all my unasked questions.

Truly, it's amazing how God speaks to different people in varied manners. When I ventured into Bugis Village, determined to acquire a couple more tops, I had no notion, no inkling, nor did I expect God to finally give me the answers to my queries; but ministered me He did.

The creativity of our Lord never ceases to excite me, and I am looking forward to the many many pleasant surprises which He has in store for me.







Eye see your point

For some strange reason, my eyelid (yes, only one, the left one) has been twitching incessantly for the past 2 days, making me look like a deranged psycho when I speak to you.

Imagine how uncomfortable and distracting it will be to observe your conversation partner's eyelid spasming while looking intently at you.

Maybe I do need that extra bit of sleep - but I've always thought that 5 hours a day ought to do it for a healthy young lady like myself. Apparently not.

Whichever the case, (and I will deviate totally here) a certain call I received recently sent me sky-rocketing to euphoric heights. For more information, come talk to me, and you shall be enlightened :)

Even today, after the dust has settled and rallied more of its minions to build up a dusty empire, there still lingers in me a sense of surrealism.

Call me idealistic, if you will, but such is the stuff cotton-candy soft dreams are made of.

Now, sadly, it's back to the real world, where CATs dominate, torment and mock.







The wonderful Mr MB

Once upon a time...

Angel*Dust ventured into Bugis Village to do a bit of shopping and as a result she is now the proud owner of 2 dresses which cost her a total of $40. Well, it should have been $35, but a very nice man selling beautiful dresses of all sorts fleeced her of $5.

An irate Angel*Dust will never patronise that particular shop again. Ever.

She was later joined by her lil' sister who acquired a couple of dresses too. That makes 2 very happy young women.

So, to get the story moving, these 2 jubilant, ladies subsequently strolled to Bugis Junction for some takeaway lunch from Mos Burger and were pleasantly surprised by an act of gallantry virtually unheard of in the sunny island of Singapore.

Arms and legs aching, the duo spotted am empty table and were eagerly approaching it when...it (the table, I mean) was taken by 2 young men armed with car brochures and cups of refreshing iced tea who reached it just seconds quicker than Angel*Dust and her sister.

However, (suprise surprise!) upon hearing little sister's cry of disappointment, the 2 gentlemen wordlessly relinquished the table with a cheery smile, and shuffled off to settle their bottoms somewhere else.

Alright, this may seem like a pretty ordinary gesture, but in a society where chivalry has been meticulously weeded out of almost every one of the male species residing in this claustophobic island nation, this is indeed an earth-shattering, newsworthy action.

Even now, hours after the "miracle" had taken place, Angel*Dust is still in awe to discover that what she had thought to be an extinct species of men still exisits, though she does believe that they are on the brink of disappearing off the face of this earth.

A gallant, chivalrous, Singaporean gentlemen.

Now that's something to cheer about.

The end.







Smiling through the storm

Normally, when things degenerate into a state of chaos and frustration like it is right now at this moment, my first instinct will be to sulk and lament about my sad sad life.

Not anymore.

It is a blessing to be able to open your eyes and take in the beautiful day God has created every morning. It is a blessing to be able to see your loved ones and friends. It is a blessing to be able to open my mouth and praise the Lord Almighty.

Although the situation at home is far from rosy, I give thanks to God for great parents. They are quite imperfect (and we all are), but they are wonderful all the same.

I have an awesome God, a wonderful family, fantastic friends, a cosy church, 2 great cells, and more blessings than I can count.

Heading out for a ministry meeting in church shortly, and yes, I am rather excited about seeing all the girls once more, not to mention my quietly corny ministry leader.

For a while there, I was tempted to let grief and the apparent bleakness of my situaiton engulf me. How scary.

Thank God a for a short but motivating conversation with my sister - whatever will I do without her - which woke me up from my self-centred reverie :)

There is so much to be done, so much to accomplish, and you know how the Sunday school hym goes..."With Christ in the vessel we can smile at the storm..."

So crank up those facial muscles of yours, and flash those pearly whites of yours with a beautiful grin!







Be safe, not sorry

Think before you speak.

Look before you leap.

Little nuggets of wisdom which well-intentioned parents attempt to drum into their equally unresponsive children.

It appears that SMU has, as of now, taken a more proactive, familial stand as well in educating the students under its loving wing.

Need convincing?

Then make a trip down to the school, and stroll through the concourse, where you will be greeted by a walking, giant condom and happy people eagerly handing out (free!) condoms to students.

Disconcerting, really, to be accosted by larger-than-life mascots advocating safe sex when you are on your way to buying a hot meal to fill your rumbling tummy.

Oh, there are other days whereby you get free, juicy, fuji apples shoved into your hands by peer helpers too. Cute ain't it?

Just goes to show, that in SMU, you never really know what awaits you within its magnificent gates.







Guess what fell through

As a friendship, any friendship, develops, parties receive chances to discover more and more about the other. Both the good and the bad.

The initial stages of the friendship will be fraught with awkwardness and uncertainty, no doubt, but there exists also the sweetness of having acquired another person whom you are able to identify with.

When the relationship blossoms, you will find - to your dismay - that that being whom you view as being largely perfect has (gasp!) flaws. Not just ordinary quirks, but shortcomings which drive you up the wall and down the other side.

Suddenly, the differences in character, habits, background all come back with a vengence to haunt you, making it seem difficult, if not impossible, to tolerate that particular person any longer.

No, I am not on the verge of terminating any friendship, nor am I mad, but the revelations made to me by the Lord has opened my eyes to many things which I have been trying to circumvent, to avoid.

It has been a very humbling experience, with God showing me the manner in which I have been white-washing certain areas of my life in a bid to make it appear "better".

No more. I am tired. I give up.

I completely relinquish my rights and life, surrendering it all to Him who loves me above all else.







A fragile rose

Vibrant, beautiful, loving.

That is what you are.

Expression of my feelings have always been an awkward process for me, but I just want you to know that you are loved, you are treasured, and I will always be there for you.

Through my struggles, my pain, you were there for me, rooting for me, supporting me.

Thank you so much.

For being a friend, for accepting me just the way I am.

Now, I implore you to be strong, to fight, and to know that our God is a God of wonders and a worker of miracles.

No, don't take me for a generous person. I am but a self-centred individual, too selfish to want to let you go.

Everytime you despair, remember the promises we made; the many shopping trips we have planned, our scheme to turn your new room into a pink haven, your return to PLMC.

Everytime you feel desolation overcoming you, reach out to Him who loves you more than you love yourself.

Everytime you feel alone, reach for me. I'll be waiting to hold your hand, to stand by you.

Whatever you do, don't give up, and know that there is always this silly friend here waving her pink poms-poms, cheering you on.


"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble."

Psalm 59:16







Insomniacs unite

I...

Went to bed at 2 a.m. last night...

Immediately had the weirdest dream featuring zombies (I kid you not)...

And woke up feeling disoriented at 7-ish in the morning...

A cell meeting followed by supper at a prata place near church preceded this strange sequence of events; I got home at about 11 at night feeling inordinately "high". Now you must all think that I'm a junkie of sorts.

The next couple of hours I whiled away talking to my sister about relationships, and I thank God for the time of fellowship I had with her. I do enjoy talking to her.

Perhaps it was all that Milo I drank during supper; maybe it was the seriousness of the topics we dwelled on and mulled upon; maybe the zombies had a debilitating effect on my senses; or possibly it was just me, but I have been in an oddly depressive, contemplative mood ever since then.

Fear, confusion, anticipation, joy, excitement, apprehension. I never before thought that it is conceivable that one can experience all these conflicting emotions simultaneously, but apparently, I thought wrong.

Although there is no hypnotic, pink haze this time around, the emotions are real. The respect, the long-forgotten awkwardness, even tenderness he conjures up in me are genuine. Bona fide.

I know not whence, or how he caught my eye, but captured my heart he did. To the rest of the world, he may appear to be a zealous man of God blessed with nondescript looks and a gentle, even bland character, but to me, he is so much more.

Spirituality, sensibility, wisdom, grace, love for people, compassion, gentleness - he has them all. They are not the traits the superficial world - myself included for the longest time - typically pays attention to, but they are the very ones that has drawn me to him.

Without my knowledge, God has nurtured me gently, taking me from being a girl to becoming a woman of God. Subconsciously, my perspectives in life has shifted, my focus, altered.

At this juncture, as I continue to wait on Him, to love Him, to serve Him, a nagging thought has been, well, nagging me incessantly. I have never before dared venture down this seemingly intimidating path in my spiritual walk with the Lord. Until now.

What if, just what if, my waiting for the past 21 (coming 22) years has finally come to an end?


Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4







A little bit of childishness

Yes, I know, the title sounds a tad strange, but do give this song a chance. It's really infectious and cute, and the best thing is, it's Christian music.

The Breakfast Song
Newsboys

Hold the milk, put back the sugar
They are powerless to console
We've gathered here to sprinkle ashes from our late friend's cereal bowl.
Breakfast Clubbers, say the motto
that he taught us to repeat:
"You will lose it in your gym class
if you wait `til noon to eat."

Back when the Chess Club said our eggs were soft
Every Monday he'd say grace and hold our juice aloft
Oh, none of us knew his checkout time would come so soon
But before his brain stopped waving, he composed this tune

Chorus:
When the Toast is burned
And all the milk has turned
And Captain Crunch is waving farewell
When the big one finds you
May this song remind you
That they don't serve breakfast in hell

Breakfast clubbers, drop the hankies.
Though to some our friend was odd,
That day he bought those pine pajamas his check was good with God.

Those here without the Lord, how do you cope?
For this morning we don't mourn like those who have no hope
Oh, rise up, Fruit Loop lovers
Sing out sweet & low
With spoons held high we bid our brother, "Cheerio!"

(Chorus)

The cheery tune and simple lyrics never fail to bring a smile to my face.

Met my new cell for dinner at Kenny Roger's exactly a week ago (why on earth did I not blog about this earlier on?) and praise God for the excellent company amidst wonderful people.

Granted, I am new to these people, and they me, but they made me feel more welcomed, more at ease than some whom I've been acquainted with for years.

In my wildest imaginations, I never pictured myself serving with another church other than the one I grew up with. Goes to show that God does work in wonderfully mysterious ways.

Amazing how an innocently relaxing conversation with Uncle "Blue" led to a whole chain of events unfolding; I am now a leader-in-training, after many years and uncountable "should-I-commit" moments.

Privy to the future I am not, but I place my trust in the Lord to guide and steer me towards the life He has lovingly designed just for me.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:34







A lull

After a tumultuous week in school which climaxed with the release of my dismal Marketing mid-term grade comes a time of renewal, beginning with my fortnightly session spent in fellowship with Uncle "Blue".

Prayers. It was so exciting to uncover so much about praying, and it is always a joyous experience spending time with my Maker. Next up: lessons about faith. I can hardly curb my enthusiasm as my learning journey continues.

Given the neck-breaking pace of our lives spent pursuing things which we believe define us, it is easy to overlook the elements of everyday living which may well be those that truly matter.

Saying "I love you" to the people we value, spending time catching up with friends, meditating on God's words and listening out for His instructions; aspects of life which we all often neglect when the going gets tough.

Tomorrow. There's always tomorrow, we say, but what if tomorrow never comes?

At the end of our lives, what are the things which we will find it hard to leave behind?

What are the things we will miss dearly?

The money we have in our bank accounts, or the angelic smiles on our children's faces, the laughter of our loved ones, the magical memories we've helped to create, in one way or another?

Take a moment, reflect on life a little, and you just may begin to view life through a different perpective.







CATastrophe

One blank question.

25% of my overall CAT grade gone. Just like that.

A course I cannot afford to fail. A course I find myself becoming extremely frustrated by.

It's hard to keep having faith when the situation seems so dire, but I'll try.

I'll try.

I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength.







Tired

One down, one more to go.

Completed my POSC108 midterm and there's still CAT to go. You can almost see me trembling in abject fear of the unknown world of Microsoft Excel.

Anyway, had a good dinner at Kenny Roger's with my new cell yesterday, and I thank God for hte time of fellowship.

These are the little things which keep me sane in a psychotic world called school.

Meeting new people are always refreshingly revitalising and I am looking forward to getting to know these people better.

Ran into Kai during break, and it was nice catching up with him away from the hustle and bustle of school. That, plus the rain - and how I love the rain - really made it a good experience.

It's really marvelous how God blesses us in everything, from the biggest issues to the most minute details.

The rants, the raves, the lady herself


22 going on 23-year-old Trinitarian
A fresh SMU graduate on a job-hunt
Zips around in a pretty red Civic


God, family, friends =)


Chick lit
Chick flicks
Good Korean drama serials =)

Sharon
Janise
Glenn
Kevin
Claire
Hanwen
Elaine
Pei
Michelle
Lizzie
Leonard
Aloysius
Clement
Jon Choy
Blogskins
Blogger

designer: FILLINTHEBLANKS
image: foto decadent
brushes: 1 2 3
image hosting: imageshack
fonts: dafont Fonts for peas
edited in adobe photoshop cs3



11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009