Saturday, April 29, 2006
♥ 11:05 PM
A toothsome grinIf you have seen me over the past couple of days, what would be noteworthy would certainly be my grimace, and lack of any hint of a smile.
No, I am not being intentionally arrogant or proud - although some people seem to think me an aloof, detached individual - I am suffering from an immense pain in my lower jaw area. In fact, there is already evidence of some swelling.
Would be visiting the dentist tomorrow in a desperate bid to alleviate my condition, but honestly, I have absolutely no idea as to the cause of my ailment, or whether the dentist would be able to do anything to help.
Alright, on a more cheery note, here are my results thus far:
Business Law: A
Management for people at work: B+
International Economics: B
They are not spectacular to most people, but I am more than satisfied. Given my level of commitment towards my studies (or the lack thereof), these results are truly evidence of God's grace.
Service this evening was wonderful, except for my inability to sing properly due to the pain I feel upon moving my jaws. Revelations were made to me, and I would act accordingly on them.
Now if only I can take my mind off the great discomfort I'm currently experiencing...
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Thursday, April 27, 2006
♥ 9:18 AM
It's not you...it's meIt is my belief that awkwardness has chosen me as its paramour. You know how it is: someone asks you out, you have no interest in that someone, you hmm and haw for a moment, you try to wriggle out of the situation, the other party persists, an exasperated you concedes.
After some degree of consideration, it has been brought to my attention that there is simply no polite, correct way to turn someone down. I really ought to learn how to say "no".
Anyway, to salvage the situation and hopefully the budding friendship, here are some of the excuses which have been produced by a sheer spark of genius (yeah right):
1) Erm, my boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble!
2) If you date me, you'll have to marry me :)
3) I have to shampoo my hair tonight and it takes hours to complete the task...
4) My car does not like you, sorry.
5) Out of the blue, my cat fell sick (I do not have a cat)
6) Therefore, I've to stay home to clean up after my sick kitty
7) My mommy says that good girls do not talk to boys *giggles*
8) Man, I really wish I had a big brother like you (ouch!)
9) It's not you, it's me...
Oh well, for now, I give up and will take things as they come. Why can't life be like the sweet little house in Hansel and Gretel?
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
♥ 10:56 AM
Decisions, decisionsMission trip (G1) to Kunming, China: from the 12th to 20th of June, costing $950 approximately.
A part of me is sorely tempted to step out of my comfort zone and to embark on a new area of ministry which I have yet to venture into, but the cost and other commitments are holding me back.
Come to think of it, maybe the latter part of my reasoning is just an excuse to wriggle out of serving God and His people.
At times like this, I really wish that a piece of parchment with a ready answer would fall from the sky and land on my head.
No matter, there is still a week more for a decision to be made, and mull over this issue I would.
On another note, term 3A began yesterday, and I can barely wait till the time when this whole nightmare would be over. I really am wondering what ever possessed me into bidding for
both terms 3A and 3B in the first place.
Enough grumbling for now, and back to my readings and preparations for tomorrow's class.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Sunday, April 23, 2006
♥ 5:07 PM
Go figure!Yes, my blog has been sorely neglected, but'it has been a hective time for me. Alrighty, I am back!
And so the story goes...Not more than 3 months ago, I was just a happy-go-lucky young lady recently oriented into the world of adulthood when reality hit me like a gigantic, fluffy char siew pau.
Now, those little white buns filled with roasted pork are delicious I tell you, but reality, unfortunately, is not.
The unforgiving workforce awaits me in about 2 years' time, and it's loving embrace would hold me captive for the next, oh, 4 decades or so. To add a fresh, delectable cherry on top of this incredibly wonderful outlook, I would be a fresh graduate who's already in debt, and lots of bills to pay.
You want the dirty details? Here goes nothing...
1) Tuition loan: $25,000
2) Monthly installment for my car: $800+
3) Miscellaneous expenditure for the car: $300
4) Annual road tax and automobile insurance: $2000 (approx.)
5) Tithe: 10% of my income
6) Contribution to household: $600
7) The remainder: almost nothing
After a few rosy years down the road...
8) Loans incurred during the wedding: sky high
9) Monthly payment for the love nest: $1000 perhaps
When the children come:
10) Hospitalization bills: $3000+
11) Diapers, bottles and the like: many many money
12) Textbooks, clothes, handphones...: a lot
13) Tuition fees for university: more than a lot
This effectively means that I would be working for banks my entire life. An absolutely cheery little scenario, and I can barely wait.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
♥ 8:19 PM
The oneAm halfway through listening to a recording of Pastor Joseph Prince's seminar on finding a life partner the Christian way. My thanks to Ben (my sister's friend) for kindly lending the CDs to us.
Hilarious, frank, enriching. Honestly, I was pleasantly surprised at how such a serious topic can be transformed into a lively sharing. I look forward to continuing on my journey of discovery together with this charismatic man of God.
At this juncture, it really is time for me to grow up, to assume my responsibilities in the church, to begin my service to God. Time for me to bid my past adieu, and to embrace adulthood.
While uncertainties continue to plague me, it is my belief that we all mature through experiences, both good and bad. Come what may, I know that I will never be alone.
Now if only I can get my hands on some
kara...
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Monday, April 17, 2006
♥ 8:56 PM
When the dust settles...Sat for my final paper for the term this afternoon. It was tough, I wasn't well-prepared, but I thank God for seeing me through it.
Finally, my sophomore year has drawn to a close. All that's left is an arduous wait for my results.
Next week marks the beginning of term 3A, so that effectively leaves me with less than a week to rest and recharge. So guys and girls, if you want to meet up, now's the time. *smiles*
Easter this year was extra special for my family. For the very first time in more than 15 years, my father acceded to my request that the entire family attend church together. I do not know what gave me the strength and courage to ask, or why he would relent after turning away from the Christian faith more than a decade ago, but it matters not. A breakthrough has been achieved, and I praise God for this small but significant victory.
At times, the little things are the ones which truly count.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Saturday, April 15, 2006
♥ 8:49 PM
Almost done...3 exams done, 1 more to go. Thank God for seeing me through this eventful term.
Was asked by a friend to respond to this, so here goes nothing...
1. My ex is...wait a sec, I've no ex :)
2. Maybe I should...just settle for an Integra (in white)
3. I love...God, my family and friends
4. I don't understand...maths, sciences, men
5. I lose...my temper rather easily
6. People say I'm...frosty and aloof when I first meet them
7. Love is...something I hope to find soon
8. Somewhere, someone is...thinking of me (in a good way I hope)
9. I will always...need more shoes, clothes and accessories
10. Forever is...found in God
11. I never want to...eat a raw oyster ever again
12. I think the current US President...has nothing to do with me
13. When I wake up in the morning...I spend time with God
14. My past is...a part of me
15. I get annoyed when...people eat noisily - it drives me insane
16. Parties are for...people with too much time
17. My dog is...going to be a mini Yorkie (cute!)
18. My cat is...to be named Duchess
19. Kisses are the best when...you've just brushed your teeth ;p
20. Tomorrow...is Easter Sunday!
21. I really want...a BMW Cabriolet (even a 318 would do)
22. I have low tolerance for people who...desperately seek attention
Alright, done. Back to IE.
To those who are done with exams, have a nice holiday!
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
♥ 3:27 PM
The last lapI am 4 exams - make that 3 now - to completing my sophomore year at SMU. How time really flies...
12th April: Development, underdevelopement and poverty
13th April: Business Law
15th April: Management of People at Work
17th April: International Economics A
It has been a most hectic term, but I'm almost done. Thank the Lord for His blessings. There's only the finals left; will do my best, and leave the rest to God.
Terms 3A and 3B await me following the exams. I do hope I am not trying to kill myself with an overdose of school.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Saturday, April 08, 2006
♥ 10:09 PM
Run awayIt has been almost 2 years. 2 years since I first stepped into the shoes of a university undergraduate, first realised that not every suitor comes with good intentions, first picked up fencing.
I am fatigued. Somehow, it seems like a change is in order.
Looking through my fencing gear, which has been packed away in a small cupboard, I tried to muster up some shred of passion. There was none. I attempted to recall the jubilance at winning medals in a desperate bid to elicit some response. There was none.
Perhaps it is a signal that I've outgrown yet another phase of my life; time to move on, to alter my priorities.
Ultimately, it is sad that the thing I would probably miss most would be the ability to push myself, to face a new opponent, to feel the reassuring weight of my blade in my hand.
There is nothing left for me here. The friendships which have been established, the treasured, highly priced sense of belonging, these are naught but illusions; and we cannot survive on something as flimsy as that.
Deluded is what I've been for far too long. An opportunity has now been extended to me to steer my life in a new direction, to depart from my comfort zone.
The only question is: do I dare?
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Thursday, April 06, 2006
♥ 4:01 PM
Then there's the XBox...Was vastly amused when my mum requested that I take part in some contest which offers $1200 worth of XBox games as its prize. Granted, there is a little closet gamer in me waiting to be unleashed - hey, I own both a PS1 and PS2,
and I am a fan of the FF series - but I do not own an XBox.
When informed, this sometimes clueless mother of mine threw me a cursory glance and asked what the problem was; the more games the merrier right?. Simultaneously, my urge to laugh and cry surfaced. Unbelievable.
Hey hey, I do love my mummy all the same. She's great.
Bid successfully for both LGST courses in Terms 3A and 3B. Well, can't say that I'm unhappy about that, although that does not suggest that I'm thrilled either. With half my holidays occupied, there goes my chance to do a little teaching during my summer break.
With final exams looming, it is no wonder that this post reads like a disjointed mish-mash of miscellaneous, disorganized thoughts.
The stress is building - boy, won't my parents be glad to finally hear this - and it is high time the mugging begins. Bring on the hot Milo and chicken essence.
With Biz Law lovingly crying out to me, it is time for me to hit the books. To all my fellow SMUggers out there, study hard, and all the best!
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
♥ 3:42 PM
An extinguished flameLife, not unlike the flame of a glowing candle, is delicate, fragile, vulnerable.
Transience chracterises our existence on this earth. We take our place, assume our respective roles in this play called life for a little while, then quietly make our exit. The next scene goes on, and we are soon forgotten, left behind. The drama does not come to a halt, nor does it pause for an intermission just to mark our departure. Eventually, we are naught but insignificant players on this dynamic stage.
Knowing that we would all eventually meet again after the whole play has been enacted, after the heavy curtains fall for the last time, cushions one's sense of loss somehow. God's wonderful promise of eternity is so sweet, so desirable, so alluring.
The soft patter of the rain against my windows, the gentle rumblings of the thunder brings a sense of calm to me. I have always loved the rain, always marvelled at the rainbow which shows its beautiful face after a storm. Likewise, setbacks can be regarded as mere temporal obstacles to our goals. They are challenges to be conquered, they are designed to bring out our full potential.
The rain must eventually stop. The sun would ultimately shine again. Though we, as actors, may fumble during our brief performances, what is vital would be for us to pick ourselves up, dust off all traces of embarrassment, and soldier on.
Our time in the spotlight is short, obscenely brief. While we are up there, enjoying our fifteen minutes of fame, what matters is not to deliver a perfect performance, but rather, to present a note-worthy delivery of our lines which would remain embedded in the minds of audiences, long after we have stepped down from this stage we call life.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
Sunday, April 02, 2006
♥ 8:49 PM
Communion Sunday"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Matthew 6:14-15Partaking in the Holy Communion this morning forced me to rethink certain unresolved issues in my life. It made me uncomfortable, guilty, sad even. In stubbornly refusing to let go, I've hardened my heart, and disallowed God to work in my life.
Pastor Daniel Ho drove home a resounding message of the need to forgive, in order to receive complete remission of sin, and how right he is. What do I stand to gain but more unhappiness in refusing to forgive? What benefits are there to be gotten by remaining bitter?
No, I am not merely paying lip service here. Our Lord Almighty is omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent. There is naught I can hide from Him, even if I tried my very best. The grief which consumed me during service today was real, almost tangible; I have displeased God, disappointed Him in many many ways.
Now, surely, is the time for this obstinate heart of mine to release its captives, to haul myself out of the self-induced despair which I have selfishly subjected myself to.
Yes, apologies are long-overdue, and I
will get down to them. Just give me time.
*~and you'll never know till you get there~*
